I know I have not been posting for the past month or so, during the holiday breaks. I guess I was doing a lot of reflection on the past year and myself. No, don't laugh. I AM SERIOUS ON THIS. Looking back over the past 16 years, I realised one big thing. I am NEVER satisfied with anything. Perhaps it is because I look for long-term satisfaction rather than those small, sweet moments that many people cherish. I don't know why I am not able to remember these moments honestly. Ask me what I remember about January till June last year? Hmm, the 1st strikes to my mind would be O'Level Results and Poly Registration. This is a BIG THING. What can't I remember? Those small memorable things as usual. I had to go date by date to rethink what happened. So this are the things that never came across my mind at that of time(those nitty gritty small moments).
1. Shu Hui pestering me to make a decision to go RP or MI.
2. Forget to bring charger for laptop configuration. (So Stupid)
3. Went into wrong class on Day 1.
That all I can recall. Pathetic ain't it? x(
Secondly, I realised how many people can just come and go in my life. People who keep on saying they will be there when I needed them. People who said that I will not walk the path alone. People who tried to make me feel as though they were concern. You have indeed earned my trust for the period of time. But time after time, each and every single one of YOU have lost it eventually. There WERE times when I needed someone to be there and no one cared. No one bothered. No one fulfilled what they promised. So my new years resolution... Learn to trust yourself more. Be more dependent and strong. Don't rely so much on others. But, I have to make an exeption to those people who weren't really aware of what I was going through. Don't I? :) So I am not blaming everyone afterall. Maybe only those few liars that made the whole situation seem so bad. Afterall, the problems are more in-depth than anyone can ever handle including myself.
This year... I WANT more respect, I DESERVE more happiness and NEED more acceptance. Respect specifically from my family. Happiness from each and everyone of you and finally acceptance from my close ones. I am sick of stepping of out of the door everyday with a mask embedded on this face and pretending everything will go alright when the cold hard fact is that nothing is going right. I am tired of being Mr Nice and Mr Helpful when I cannot even help myself. I need to have people that can look up at me and be appreciative of what I have done. It's just a SIMPLE "THANK YOU" I am asking for. So, the Year 2009 is the year I put MYSELF above others. The Year I settle my own issues. If you want to help me, then gear up for it. Cause I don't need people to settle issues on the surface only. I need people who are willing to go in-depth and settle my issues once and for all. Do you know how much THAT would mean to me.
Well, it means the world to me. =/
